You are on a journey to improve yourself, and perhaps you have already heard it said that change has to come from within. Today’s main article was written to expressly address this question. On the road of recovery from heartbreak and abuse, questions are like bonus jewels in a video game… they give you tremendous return and reward. So don’t be afraid… Dive into your mind and find the way to a better healthier stronger you.
With Love and Hope,
LeadWrite.Org
_________________________________________________________________
You are on a quest to find lasting love. Somewhere along the line, you have heard that you have to change yourself. But how does one actually do that? This week, let’s look at the step by step process of changing oneself through asking the right questions:
1. Be Honest
The first piece of advice given by relationship expert Debbie Ford, is to ask yourself about your own habits and tendencies. Namely, give an honest answer to the following:
What do I do wrong?
What are my bad habits?
What are my controlling tendencies?
When do I act bad?
What are some things I do that others don’t want to be around?
Waiting until I am too angry, then explode?
What are things I am unable to give? (like Instant apologies)
Within this stage, also investigate your past by looking at your experiences and note where you have been shut down and hurt. Start from the youngest age… what still hurts??
2. My Beliefs
Now let’s ask and be honest about your innermost thoughts about marriage. What internal commitments do you have? Ask yourself, is there something I am more committed to? You might have a fear that if you are in a relationship that you will be stifled. OR you might be thinking “I am never going to have… a marriage like my parents”. Then you have to change those commitments, start to feel safer, ready.
Recognize that in the past, this commitment was useful, and good, and now it’s time to let it go. Now let’s do this exercise – Ask yourself: What might be keeping me from having the love that I desire?
Here’s my own example of limiting beliefs. At one time, I had a list that included 1. getting rich. (time) 2. raising my kids (time, avoid conflict between them and him). 3. Staying away from another abusive man.
Next, how I changed these commitments.
3. Intent
So what powerful action can I take to heal from this underlying idea? Let us list the steps for a future, and really INTEND to do these things.
So what powerful action can I take to heal from this underlying idea? Let us list the steps for a future, and really INTEND to do these things.
Trust again
Forgive those who have hurt you
Stop enabling the kids
Take Time from business
You will feel motivated if you realize that action is expressing a positive lesson or ideal. What would be the lesson or the gift of this underlying idea?
Business – I can be successful; I am there for me.
Kids – how to serve without being overwhelmed
Forgive those who have hurt you – I now know what boundaries are, and how to protect them. I won’t make the same mistake twice.
Trust again – don’t be mean and drag yourself down just to prove that he messed himself up.
5. New Vision
Write about the experiences that you saw in your mind. Do a ritual where you get rid of the negative feelings of the experience.
You don’t have to relive the past, and just recreate the past. You can create a new vision of the future. See the possibilities. Start trusting your feelings and your dreams.
6. Affirm, affirm
Finally, do your affirmations! Wake up every morning and pick something about yourself to love. Here are some examples.
I love my appearance, hair, eyes, wrinkles, skin, color, body, shape
I love my mind, its interests, its workings
I love my heart that chooses to continue loving despite the pain
I love my religion.
I love my ability to be pragmatic
I love to be guided by Allah
I love my strength and ability to go on
I love what my heart loves
– Written by Jehan at LeadWrite.Org
Leading To Love magazine is produced by LeadWrite.org to help faithful people, especially Muslim women, to recover from heartbreak and abuse. For more articles like this, please visit here.
Leave a Reply