1. Journal like crazy. If you already do, I applaud you! I can promise that the more you journal, the more insightful you will become. Looking back on 2/20/2010, I was a complete fool when it came to guys and interacting with guys. With a journal, you can gauge how far you’ve come. And trust me, you didn’t want me giving advice merely one year ago! I would have led you astray, my dear. Far, far, astray. Don’t believe me? This is embarrassing, but here’s an excerpt from that date:
“Also, I still really like ____, mostly in the forefront of my mind, but very recently in the back … front. This is all due to a new guy who is so much better than ___, who wasn’t cute at all! What was I thinking?”
What was I thinking?! I’ll tell you. I was boy obsessed and quite superficial. Some days, I fight with the old me, but I’m still making progress. I can thank my journal for that!
2. The Five Second Stare. Ever watch Patti Stanger’s Millionaire Matchmaker? Well, I love that show. And Patti has good advice for single women. She tells them to do the “Five Second Stare”. This means that you make eye contact with any guy you’re interested in for five seconds. You should probably smile, so that you don’t look like a creeper. As a single person, you can do this for fun or practice, or whatever! Especially, on those days when you’re feeling extra confident. However, let me warn you: not all people are equipped for this. I am not one of them. There is no legitimate reason for me to do it because it’s a little too calculated. Try it out and let me know the pros and cons. I might to a post on it in the future.
I know. Sometimes, you just want to be casual. I understand that. Me too. But, what’s wrong with appropriate, form-fitting clothes? What’s wrong with beautiful, vivid, vibrant colors that accentuate your skin tone on those drab, rainy days? It took me a long time to realize this. The next time you go shopping, please do yourself a favor. Stop being so safe! Stop trying to live life unnoticed because you think “you don’t have it.” I promise. You have it! You have it! You have it!
4. Work on your judgment of character. One thing my journal helped me learn was that my judgment of character was TERRIBLE. Every time, I wrote about a new crush, he turned out to be a jerk (or not right for me in some obviousway), in as little as six days later. Now, if you don’t keep a journal, you won’t catch all of the dangerous patterns and traps you are prone to fall into.
5. Make some guy friends. Now, that you’re working on your judgment of character, you have to meet some new people. It’s great to seek out guy friends, particularly when you’re single. How? Open your eyes. You don’t have to change your habits whatsoever. Just go through your day normally, and notice who you aren’t talking to. Who have you written off as someone you wouldn’t interact with? Is it the cashier you always see at the grocery store? Is it someone at work that you have never even considered having a conversation with? I bet that there are at least 15 guys in your daily life right now that you have never even spoken to.
Don’t forget that you are seeking guy friends—NOT potential love interests. That notion shouldn’t even cross your mind. If it does, redirect it to a thought that is more useful!
6. Avoid those people and places that make you feel unworthy or uncomfortable. Enough said. If you can’t avoid them, learn how to cope with them. But, don’t willingly agree to a situation where you’ll be the third wheel. Don’t spend time with people who are constantly setting you up on dates, trying to “fix” your single-ness. Use common sense.
7. Walk with your chest up. Before you get all confused or skeptical, let me explain. Your body’s center of gravity should never be low. It needs to be carried high. This goes for men and women. Your walk shouldn’t be heavy/droopy. You want to treat the ground nicely, instead of stomping all over it. Elegance and grace is something we all need to work on every day. All of our bodies are equipped for it. We all have the potential, yet not even 20%of people are accessing it.
The key to confidence, optimism, and perpetually happy thoughts strongly depend on your posture. All you have to do is go through life with your chest up. How do you do that? Pretend that there is warm sunshine resting on your collarbone. Sincerely try to feel the effects of that warm, radiant sun. Naturally, you’ll want to elongate the neck. Make sure your spine is in alignment and follow the basics of good posture.
If you don’t believe that walking with your chest“up” will bring about goodness and happy thoughts, here’s an experiment that will prove it to you:
- For 30 minutes, walk around with your eyes on the ground. Curve your spine and neck downwards. Allow your head to sag. Let your shoulders slump. This is the stereotypical caricature of a depressed person. Go through 30 minutes of your day, trudging along with this caved-in posture. You will find it extremely difficult to think positively by the time you reach to the 31st minute.
- For 30 minutes, jump to the other extreme. Pretend that there is warm sunshine resting on your collarbone. Really feel it. Hold your head up high. Walk lightly, confidently and elegantly. It’s almost impossible to think negatively after upholding this posture for a while.
8. Invent! Every time I used to see my best friend’s mom, she would always tell us to “invent!”Invent. Invent. Invent. We heard it countless times. And now, I realize that this blog is an invention. Her words somehow reached my subconscious. All of my dreams and ideas waiting to be birthed, are inventions. It’s time to look at your life and take stock of what isn’t there that should be. What part of yourself has not been developed yet? What can you invent (that is unique to you) that will propel this change of self?
9. Listen to everyone else’s relationship problems. Learn from their mistakes. You will thank yourself so much for this later! Find real life subjects and take note of them. I’m living vicariously through at least 4 couples right now. Observe their interactions. Is he being kind and patient with her? Is there any trust in that relationship? Ask your friends what they wish they had known or done differently when things didn’t work out. Sit back and garner wisdom, but don’t be hindered by anyone’s past experiences. You’re off to invent your own!
If you’ve noticed, most of these things are activities you can continue even after you’ve met the man of your dreams. I did that on purpose.Being single isn’t about preparing for a relationship. Think about it. Life isn’t about being single or being married. It isn’t about your romantic status. At the end of the day, it’s about being the best person you can be.
Love,
Zabrinah
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